Compassion and Cancer

So as we know, my brain cancer journey began in May, 2012. I've had four MRIs and seven rounds of chemo. God willing 5 to go--THEN it's a party! I strive every single day to remain positive, accept feedback that is affirming and hopeful. Compassion. Empathy. Faith-driven friendships, prayers and comforting warmth. Unfortunately, as in life, people (some) can only maintain a posture of caring for short bursts. That's ok... I mean honestly, who wants to be around someone who whines about their lot in life and the relationships, forged over YEARS of bonding that can't hold up to the reality of cancer? So maybe THAT's the worst part of this disease. The loss of interest and the inability to maintain a positive stance on the pain of someone not ourselves. I had blood drawn today. For some reason the place was tragically packed. Blood draws, doctor appts, tears, baldness, thinness...fear. And the noise pulls you in and holds you to it. It locks you in. And I closed my eyes and wondered if in one year "this" voice or "that" voice would mix in the voices I would hear in months to come. I wanted to run. I had to stay. It's odd... The last place you want to be is the most likely place you will find compassion. I hope that, God willing, in the years to come I do not forget compassion. Never lose the ability to consider another's pain. Life IS grand and is to be celebrated. But we owe so much more to our fellow human beings. We owe them a second glance, a whispered prayer, a thankful heart. Always remembering: "There but for the Grace of God go I." I don't owe it to anyone to apologize for my illness; for where it's brought me at this point in my life; what it's taken from me; how it's taught me more than I was ready to accept about myself. Bottom line: This is MY disease. I'll handle it my way. If you don't like how I handle the threat to my life--get on down the road and save your joy, time and energy with other like-minded swine--but by all means, do NOT get sick!! Some poor people just won't be there for the long  haul! Let's face it--sometimes we're lucky if we get through the flu without someone whining: "You're STILL sick?!" So either give me a nod, ask how things are going and MOVE ON! I'll try not to bore you with details about my fear of dying, headaches, a lost career, weakness, thinnng hair, loss of short term memory, etc., I promise! Let's just focus on the "happy" stuff!! Did you hear? Today was one of the best days of my life. I woke up.